Chaplain’s Corner

Love Languages

Having just said goodbye to Valentines Day for 2020, I thought about how our young people give and receive love. Author Gary Chapman in 1992, wrote the book, ‘The Five Love Languages’, which has been on the NY Times best seller list since 2009. In 2016 he followed up his best seller with the book, ‘5: A Teens Guide to the 5 Love Languages’. His premise is that we all have a preference for how we receive love and we also generally tend to give love in certain ways. These ways can be boiled down into 5 distinct areas.

These are:          Words of affirmation

                                Quality Time

                                Physical Touch (Hi-fives, hugs etc)


                                Acts of Service

Our young people are wired to receive love mainly in only two of these five, so as a mum, I often become frustrated because I show my love in acts of service, such as a lunch packed, clothes clean, cooking a favourite meal and also thoughtful gifts and get no thanks because for one of my children these efforts hold no currency. Instead their main love languages are quality time and words of affirmation. So I have to make an effort to prioritise these ways of showing love.

For our students, understanding themselves and understanding each other is the key to maintaining healthy relationships. I encourage you if the above scenario sounds familiar, to get your young person to complete a love language quiz for teens online and then this will lead to a really fruitful discussion with greater understanding of each other.

Happy Valentines for 2020!



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